Hey!
I had a blog back when I was like, 14 because I loved to write and I enjoyed telling my story. Back then, however, no one outside of my family really paid any attention to what I was saying so I didn't feel much pressure. I'm a little older now, and with a goal to help others in any way, shape or form I can, I feel a little nervous to be able to portray all my thoughts in a way that is relatable and easily understood. I want to be so real with you from the start, so here's a little introduction to my life.
I'm an Oregon girl through and through. Born and raised until 18 in the same house, (basically, but that's another story), in the same small town that I know and love. I am the youngest of 9 children, 7 of which are connected to me by one parent or the other, (think, the Brady bunch). My parents brought together their two families back in 1997, where my brother and I were both born throughout the next four years. Being part of a big blended family, with a few siblings that are old enough to be my own parents, taught me lessons early in my life that allowed me to learn so much, and from many life perspectives at a young age. I saw some of my siblings struggling mentally and/or financially, I dealt with the effects of abuse from another that occurred outside my own home, in ways no one should have to, I lived with the effects of divorce, and watched how it hung over my parents, even though my parents are still married, and I was raised with my best friend who stands almost foot taller and is 22 months older.
Besides wrapping my young brain around my interpretations of very important life lessons, my childhood was relatively normal. I played outside with my brother, I went to church every Sunday, I had birthday parties with my friends, I took a dance class after school, and I liked school--except for math. I had a weight over me at a very young age, which lead to me feel too ashamed to tell anyone, so I learned so, so young to rely on prayer for comfort. I developed nighttime anxiety, to the point where it took young Krissy hours to get to sleep on some nights, and I couldn't bare the thought of closing my eyes without a night light. My anxiety became so apparent, that it portrayed itself through real pain. So starting around age 6, I began to experience debilitating stomach pain in the evenings and until I fell asleep, probably around 12am every night. I was so young that I didn't understand anxiety, and my pain was so intense that the trip to the doctor's began. No one could figure out where my intense pain was coming from. This lead to more anxiety of course so I was a bit scared to eat because I didn't know what was causing my pain. I was already a small person, but from about 1st grade to fourth grade I didn't gain a pound. It was in third grade though, that my doctor advised we cut out dairy. So I tried it. I think this put my mind at ease a little bit, because though the pain was still there every night, it seemed to be a little less. It started to get back to how it was before after about a year, so my doctor advised that maybe gluten was the culprit. In fifth grade, I was now off of gluten, and I started gymnastics. Between that combination, I finally jumped to a whopping 56 lbs.
Let's skip to high school.
At 14, I was completely in love with gymnastics. I was attending school online so that I could train from 2:30 to 8 four-five days a week. As far as my anxiety, it had let up a ton. I didn't have nearly as much pain but still didn't have much interest in going to bed before 12am. I think now that gymnastics relieved a lot of my anxiety. It gave me an outlet, something that I could devote my whole self too, and I definitely did that. I was having a lot of success to. I gained tons of muscle and was advancing faster than my coaches had ever seen, and I was winning. I loved it. I had a few ups and downs which I'm sure I will write individual posts about, but these experiences in the gym shaped who I am. I've never stopped relying on prayer for comfort and I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior who have done everything for me. My brother (best friend, don't forget) left on his mission to Argentina for 2 years just before I started my junior year. I would only be able to reach him my email once a week, and get a video chat twice a year. That was hard.
Pretty soon it was senior year. I had experienced a shoulder injury that caused the need for surgery. I decided I would wait as long as I could before investigating the injury further. Communicating with a college gymnastics coach at my dream school lead me to be hopeful, but also deep down know, that my odds, if any, were very, very slim. I decided that because of my injury I would specialize on two events, beam and floor, and I would join the High school track team. Even though my heart was breaking deep down because I knew I probably wouldn't be able to continue my gymnastics career, some things were looking up. Even though I stand at 5'1" I was the fastest girl my track coach had ever trained in 44 years, and I was a successful member of the 4x1, and long jump. I also did pole vault, but I never really did super well in this event, even though I had so much fun with it. Joining the track team also lead me to become closer to the guy who would become my first boyfriend. So although life was changing, it was still such a fun time.
Then it was time for college. Spoiler alert: Not only did I not make the gymnastics team, I didn't even get accepted into the school. That was a hard blow. I decided I would attend Utah Valley University in Orem Utah (where I am currently a junior)! And when it was a long ways off it was fine, but soon it was down to days before I moved in, and I was--not okay. I was leaving the only home I ever had, I would be leaving my parents' roof, I was leaving the sport that I had devoted my whole self too since I was 11, I was leaving my first boyfriend who encouraged me to date others, and I felt like I was loosing myself.
Once school started, I got busier but it didn't get easier. I was still talking to my high school boyfriend daily, until he told me it was time to leave him alone. Even though I finally had my big brother back, who lived in the same house as me (this literally saved me), I was at the lowest point I think I have ever been in. I was lonely, I was scared, I wasn't even sure I wanted to be there, and I think it showed. I stayed in my room all of the time. I focused on my grades, and homework before crying myself to sleep. I did that way longer than I care to admit... (don't worry mom, it was a lesson I wouldn't be the same without). I prayed a lot.
I started to make friends, and although all the talk was about dating, I wasn't so sure I was interested at that point. I decided that I wanted to be a doctor, and since school never came easy to me, I sort of had my head in my books. Plus, the dating culture was so different and everyone felt so fake. I couldn't imagine dating someone who had 1. never been to my hometown and 2. never knew me as a gymnast. (It was that so much of who I am, I thought they'd never fully know me without seeing me in that part of my life). I'm pretty sure I was depressed, but I still had fun times so it's hard to say if I was or not because I have seen depression in others. If I was at a point of clinical depression, I was very active. I hid it well to my friends. I would get up, do what I needed for the day, and go to sleep. My friends would encourage me to go out, so I would, but as soon as I got home I was even more exhausted and cried a little harder.
Enough of that-- I am not a sad person! I just want to be real with you, and I have had some very low moments, or months.
My friends who I will never be able to thank enough, actually ended up introducing me to a guy who was so real and genuine. He was so sweet, and he showed real interest in learning about me. He was handsome, but even more attractive to me, especially when I first met him was how much of an incredible supporter and listener he was. I was so scared to make anything official though, so I almost walked away from him 3 different times, but he was so patient with me and must've known that it truly was 'just me' because I was hurting. I'll never forget how he caressed my first, untangled my fingers, and held my hand when I was still a little too scared to make those movements myself. Pretty soon I realized that if I dwell in my past hurt forever, I might just miss the best man who has ever walked into my life. So I gave my worries to God and made the decision to let myself love everything about him. He is now my husband and I could not imagine my life without him.
Now, we are expecting our first baby.
I am in the middle of my junior year with the same plans of becoming a doctor.
Ryder has had three promotions this year and is continuously showing me his drive to help others.
I cried over a test two days ago then found out I actually didn't do that bad and ate ice cream in celebration of my A in the class.
Still don't like math.
I definitely weigh more than 56 lbs. lol
And as far as my anxiety goes, I have my moments, but Ryder has taken away so much of it, that I now eat some foods containing gluten without a worry.
I am so excited to share more detail with you about my story, and share with you the advice, the wisdom, the products, the decisions that have helped me get to this point along the way.
Thanks for reading!
Kristine