Marianas Trench and 6 Tips for General Conference

It'd been much to long and I apologize for that, but nearly every chance I get to sit down and write, I do. It's just in my book! I decided that I want to write and publish a book for reals! I've been giving it my all, so I am super nervous and excited to share it with the world and hopefully whoever reads it will find some sort of entertainment as well as be able to even pick up a new lesson or thought from ones I've learned.

This last month has been hard.

Since valentines day, I've done way to many assignments to keep track of, got a wonderful week off for spring break, I've traveled to Las Vegas, had a birthday, been to the doctor a few times, experienced some new pain, had my sister and her family over for a fun week, celebrated my baby with a baby shower, and my parents came to visit and to work on the house a bit! It's been fun and wonderful, mixed with mundane and tough and the only thing that every single day has in common is I feel drained by the end.

We've reached 31 weeks! My sweet baby boy is growing like crazy and everyday I am able to keep him safe and house his whole future right in my belly, is a day where I feel like I am doing something pretty important. Believe it or not, that small bit of importance I feel when I see my big-bellied reflection walking beside me, or when moms send me a smile in the grocery isle, or when my husband cradles my belly to feel the little one move around, is incredibly invaluable to me.

I have never experienced a dip in motivation, this drastically deep, in all my life and its pretty scary to say the least. Going from 100% devoted to sports, to intensely invested into schooling, to feeling like I don't really want to get up in the morning, getting out of breath from putting on my shoes, being exhausted by the end of the day just from simply being awake, let alone the dread I have trying to even begin studying, has been the hardest transition I've ever made in my life. Sometimes I feel I'm descending into the darkness of Marianas trench, and if you know me, you'll know I love the beach but I'm somewhat terrified of the ocean. Some days I wake up and have a mental breakdown, for really no reason, unless you count the figurative 1000lbs of burden schooling has placed on my shoulders mixed with the part of my heart that is desperately wanting a break, which is sitting right next to the part of my heart who is broken because it used to be so motivated, so determined to achieve success in every endeavor I took on, and the millions of hormones in my brain who are working to prioritize my baby's health over my own.

But I am also SO happy. I promise when you ask and I say "I'm doing well," I'm not lying! It is because of those moments I experience where I feel like I am doing something important. Those moments lift me out of the trench and onto the safety of the shore in a matter of seconds, because I know that no matter what, I am participating in the most important work that God has instructed me to preform in my entire life. And guess what? No matter what else he calls me to do, for the rest of my life, this will be the most important work I will ever do. From flutters to kicks, to crawling to walking, to running and jumping, to stepping up onto the airplane for his mission, to kneeling at the altar with his eternal companion, and to walking forward holding his babies hands, I have started a whole generation that I hope will be devoted to their father in Heaven and the plan of happiness until the world is no more.

That puts my bad grade in ochem into perspective, doesn't it?

I have many thoughts weighing heavily on my mind, and although my chemically overwhelmed mind is probably going to return to a more motivated state later, I think it's really important to be transparent with you during this time.

I've already declared that I don't want to be a surgeon anymore, because when I took on that journey, I didn't think I would be able to have children of my own. However, thanks to a calm yet excited ER doctor who told me I was in fact able to have children and was going to be having one 33 weeks later, I decided I wanted to be home at a decent hour much more than I want to be fixing broken bones.

That thought has lead me to wonder if I even want to be a doctor at all, or if I want to be a PA. I've been looking into both and am not going to make any decisions while pregnant because of my low motivation, but am planning to take the whole summer off from school to just be with my baby and hopefully creep a little closer to the answers I need.

One thing I know about getting answers, is that you have to ask the questions.

I have started to pray to know what Heavenly Father would like me to do that would be best for the welfare of mine and my family's souls. Whether that's a doctor, or a PA, or a SAHM, I want to do what He wants me to do. Because His plans have always proved best for me and better than my own.

If I had been the BYU gymnast I always wanted to be, I wouldn't have joined a little softball team and eventually married the captain of it, and even if I had, I sure as heck wouldn't be able to have the same reaction to getting pregnant when I did because it would've been a shocking end to my gymnastics career as a junior in college. Heavenly Father knows best. He always has and He will prove time and time again that He will always know best.

And He has many ways to make sure I know and follow the path He has designed.

This weekend is one of many ways He can make His plans for us known. Its General Conference weekend! Let me tell ya, I have anticipated conference for the last several years now. I love the guidance I receive when making big decisions, like where to apply for college, what to study, how to find my purpose, if I should marry the boy I'm dating, and all the small questions too, and every time I have a decision to make I feel like "I need conference more than I ever have" but honestly its provided so much peace to my mind right when I need it every single time, so I can't say that THIS conference I've needed more than any other, but I can say that the results from how I feel and what I learn during general conference this weekend will likely once again have a profound influence on my life enough to change it.

I can't wait. I cant wait for the uplift the spirit will provide while listening to the carefully thought out messages that have been being prepared for months.

I have a couple tips for my fellow general conference listeners who want to make the most out of the experience.

1. Pray about your concerns and ask specifically for conference to help you hear or feel the answers you need. Remember, you have access to the same Heavenly Father and same spirit that the prophet and his apostles do, he can answer your questions and will do so in a time best for you. But it is His spirit that is directing the words of the prophet and apostles, and He knows how to best help His children, so He can help guide them to say what you need to hear.

2. Write down your questions/concerns. Leave a space between to take notes, record impressions, write down thoughts that come to you regarding the subject, while listening. It will also help you remember everything you want to address which will open your ears and keep you alert during every talk.

3. If you have small children, print out coloring pages! And bingo cards that will help them connect the old men on the TV to messages that we study for the rest of our lives. Remember, (although I am sure its way harder than I know), like I was saying earlier, they are the most important "work" you will ever participate in. Show them patience, its hard to sit still that long. Honestly, I don't care how old ya get, you can join in on coloring and bingo too!

4. Have snacks right next to you! For fun, and so you can listen without interruption as much as possible.

5. Watch it. In my experience, my mind tends to wander when I just listen. So have it playing to where you can watch it!

6. Quiet activities during conference!! Sweeping, tiding up, or any quiet activity that will busy your hands but quiet your mind is excellent!

I hope these help, and I hope conference allows your minds to soak up all that you feel you need to have peace in your heart and in the decisions you make.

Thanks for being here through my crazy rollercoaster mind. 9 weeks or less until my little man gets here, and hopefully my brain will have a bit less hormones blocking its motivation and providing craziness.