My heart is heavy tonight.
As many of you know and have seen, there is a trend on Instagram involving anonymous questions. It has come to my attention that so many of my friends and people I follow have been asked about why they left the church and I watch them explain the reasons they no longer believe, or no longer agree, and some of them have even said that leaving has improved their mental health.
And my heart hurts.
A post about this same thing I'm about to say has gone viral, and for that I am grateful, but it is still not as popular as the posts I see about why leaving the church was "the best thing" for many of my friends.
I cannot possibly see every persons mind and every persons struggles and questions, and I won't try to say that I do. But here's what I know, in my most passionate and forward words so you clearly understand.
So many of us are forgetting our primary answers.
Read your scriptures. Say your prayers. Go to church.
So many of us are to stubborn to do the very things that will help us because we'd rather try and prove ourselves right or handle our issues alone. We are not strong enough of beings to test the spirit, or to test God, without letting the devil into our presence. We are not powerful enough to tempt the devil and hold our ground without the iron rod. We are not able to shake the chains of the adversary off our wrists without divine intervention.
If you look to the devil and test his deceits, lies, half truths and enticements, you will see a path that is "easier." That looks attractive, and more fun. It will feel natural to walk along that path because we are natural men. But he will lead you down a crowded, attractive path straight to the depths of misery, pure loneliness, despair, pain and regret. It might be fun for a time, but it will never last.
Choosing the right, living in the way of God, fighting against the natural man, holding the rod in the darkness while being mocked from the big, spacious, enticing and seemingly beautiful building requires more strength then letting go ever will. It requires CONSTANT and CONSISTENT effort. There will be times where even when doing the right things, the devil will cross your path, things will stop looking so happy, the darkness will stop you in your tracks and you will be forced to make a decision. "May we ever choose the harder right over the easier wrong."(Dieter F. Uchtdorf). Read your scriptures. Say your prayers. Go to church. These things will keep you grounded. They will help you see the light that is God. The comfort that is the spirit. The love and understanding that is Jesus Christ.
It will always appear harder and be less comfortable to live worthy of the spirit and to listen to his promptings. But it will always lead you to the best, most joyous, peace filled destination that the devil is uncapable of reaching, let alone leading you to.
Bad things will happen, questions will come, doubts may loiter in our minds, and temptations will lead us to actions we are much less than proud of, but we will never experience them alone if we live worthily to have the spirit with us, and will will never reach a point beyond return.
Please. I beg of you, quit taking the easy way out because of your current conditions. It will all come together and make sense someday. But turning your back to your Maker, to the Almighty, Omnipotent, Master Healer, Counselor, King of Kings, and Heavenly Father, will only cause the devil to laugh and your life to get more miserable.
Even if your scripture's pages are blurred by the tears of your doubt, or your prayers are you asking God in anger how you can possibly handle this trial, or if your cold seat in the back of the chapel feels foreign because of your questions and the weight of your trials, read them, talk to him, and go. It will--someday--maybe not even in this life-- be revealed to you why you're facing these things. Be stubborn in defending your mustard seed of faith rather than in questioning your God. Grasp that rod until your last breath to at least have the chance of saving your soul and living without regret.
I apologize if I seem unsympathetic, I am just tired of my savior being mocked all over my social media. I am hurt by the lack of effort in restoring our faith. And I'm offended at the thought that because I stay, my life has been to perfect to question anything. Because I can tell you right now it hasn't.
When I was little, I experienced a type of hurt that took me years to understand. I recall being not yet eight years old and crying in the night by the side of my bed, when I grasped my hands in prayer and could only say the words "Heavenly Father help me," Because although I knew it was wrong and I felt the weight of not being able to tell anyone, I didn't even know that what happened to me had a name, but I knew that my Heavenly Father was the only one who could offer me the peace I needed. I felt good when I prayed, but it took years of consistent prayer to know my pain was validated and had purpose for my life. And I am talking, from before I could remember, to a very specific day my senior year of high school, before it clicked. For 18 years I didn't understand, but I prayed. And at the very least I was held up until I could see the tiniest vision of my God's plan for me, and why that had to be a part of it. Parts of that hard time in my life are still slowly coming to light as I get older, and I know that it is because I have chosen to stick around and let God show me in His time.
From the bottom of my hurting heart, hang in there. I know God well enough to promise you that He will reveal all you need to know to make it through this life if you ask Him.
I say again, all you NEED to know, to make it through THIS LIFE. That is not everything. But it is what is necessary.
Pray. Read your scriptures. Go to church.
Hold on tight for your own sake.
Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.
Heavenly Father wants to help you, so please let him. Don't give up on Him so easy.
When those thoughts override your mind, please, open your scriptures and cry out to the Lord. Because even in our simple minds in the middle of the night, He will offer peace until the time to understand comes.