I briefly mentioned that I liked the stars. I think I was talking to my friend but he was right there, so he likely heard it. I said how I missed the stars, because they are so much more vibrant on my favorite dirt road above my home town. I said that here in the city, they were so faint, you could hardly see any, and it added to my homesickness.
But that was one small moment. One small conversation from probably a month previous.
One evening, we had just finished a softball game, and he was taking me home. As soon as he pulled into the driveway, he asked, "How are you doing?"
"Stressed."
I remember holding back so much when I said that. School was a lot. And I was sad. I missed home more than ever, and I wasn't in the best place. I was just tired.
"Do you want to go on a drive?"
I don't know exactly what was going through his head, but I know I thought, despite all that I need to do, that sounds exactly like what I need.
So we went on a drive. He took me up Provo canyon and after a while turned onto a little road that lead us to a cute little part with a couple street lamps.
"C'mon!" He grabbed a blanket and wrapped me up in it. We crossed a little bridge over a rushing little stream, and walked down a dirt path on the other side, trees acted like a sweet little tunnel. Pretty soon we reached a picnic table, and invited me to lay on top of the picnic table. He got up there next to me, and I soon as I laid down, I knew why he lead me to that exact spot. There was a perfect part in the trees overhead that revealed a sky, far enough away from the city to be speckled with hundreds of thousands of stars.
He only had a little smirk on his face when I became speechless.
Nope, we didn't kiss yet. Such a gentleman.
Another time, we were going hammocking with a bunch of friends from the softball team after the game. I didn't have a hammock, so he picked up before the game, early enough to take me to get one with him. We went to Big Five. While there, we looked at baseball hats briefly, and I said "ooh do they have any Kansas City Royals hats?" They didn't but he asked if I was a fan. I said "Not really, but KC are my initials so I've been wanting one for a while." Kinda laughing it off. I remember making some tacky joke about how they were a fan of me, actually. (My maiden name is Carter!)
Well fast forward, months. I was at a Christmas party where we did a secret Santa gift exchange. When it was my turn, the person who drew my name came forward and gave me a gift. I opened it and found that it was a KC baseball hat! I mustve shown my confusion, because the person said, "I didn't know what to get you, this was Ryder's suggestion."
I then became worried that my face showed what looked like "uhhh why'd you get me this." rather than "whaaat how did you know?!" So I quickly clarified, and saw that same smirk on Ryder's face.
This is literally only 2 short stories. Two of the shortest, yet most impactful moments to me, between Ryder and I that helped to change the way I saw myself. He listened. He really listened, and he is just perfectly sentimental enough to use my own words to stun me months later.
Do you see it?! That look. Right there? It kills me.
He is really my rock. Someday I'll share the story of why I was so broken, so hurt, and had the lowest self confidence of my life when I first met Ryder, so that you fully understand how much these moments shook my whole world, and made me feel so much peace. He is the only man I have ever met (besides my older brother who has the same gene as I do somewhere) who is sentimental. And he's not thaat sentimental, but he knows I am very sentimental, so uses it to melt my heart.
Anytime you see that smirk on his face, or glimmer in his eye, you'll know he's shocking me with sweetness in one way or another.
Ugh, I love him. He is my weakness, and my strength all at the same time.
Hold your love. Remember the little things they say. Write love notes. Be sentimental.
Love, Kristine