If there was one thing you could tell the whole world right now, what would you say?
I recall a time when I was about 15. I was at practice (of course) and we were on beam. I was having a fairly good beam day, but nothing super good about it that I remember. I do recall having a conversation with one of my teammates and it left my walking away smiling. Then, I was a bit caught off guard when one of my teammates and also my best friend at the time asked, "Krissy, why are you so happy all the time?"
I beat myself up a little for how I answered at the time, I think my response consisted of a "oh, I don't know!" and a laugh and a thank you. But that question stayed with me through the rest of practice, and that night. I kept thinking of course I'm not happy all of the time, but I have a perspective that helps me stay positive in all things. When I got home that night I decided to answer her question more fully.
I wrote her a letter. I was fearful it would make her feel awkward around me, or it made me too different. I was scared that we wouldn't be the same, but I knew that her knowing the true reason why I'm happy, and how she can fully be happy, was way more important than what she thought of me. In other words, if the only reason I was even in her life at all was to write her that letter, and tell her how I know she can be happy, that that will be enough reason. Even if she never spoke to me again, even if she disagreed at that time, she would at least know how I truly feel, and that is more important than being liked by her.
So of course I don't remember the letter word for word, but this is along the lines of what I wrote down that night and sent in the mail the next morning.
I am happy because I know that no matter what, I am loved by God.
I can be forgiven if I repent because of Christ's atonement, so though I try to do no wrong, I know there is hope for me when I slip up. I am happy because I can pray to my Father in Heaven about anything, at any time and in any place, even if there are no words to describe how I feel, or no human on earth I feel I can talk to. I am happy because I know there is life after death. That I have the opportunity to progress forever. I am happy because I am sealed to my family, so if anything were to happen at any given moment, I will see them again. I am happy because although I am scared of a lot in gymnastics, I can pray about each routine, each skill, and ask for assistance with managing my fears so that I can get through them in a timely manner. I am happy because I have good friends who accept me even though they may believe differently. I am happy because I don't need to conform to society's standards of beautiful to be loved and accepted fully by the one who's opinion of me matters most. I am happy because I live within the boundaries of the commandments which keep me safe and protected. I have a family at church, who want to see me improve and grow. I have knowledge of specific callings God has designed for me through my patriarchal blessing. Heavenly Father speaks with me through ways I understand personally, as well as through the scriptures, the prophets and the lessons, talks and testimonies I hear from others weekly. I am happy because I have the knowledge and testimony of The Book of Mormon which allows my knowledge of God and how to get back to him to be more complete. I am happy because God's hand is directing my life. Even though trying your hardest to live a Christ-centered life is not only challenging in today's world, but un-cool, un-popular, and comes with sacrifices that at times may leave you feeling left out, peculiar and different, and even un-attractive, it is the ONLY way to unlock the ability to receive a kind of happiness that is not temporary. A kind of happiness that doesn't end here. A kind of happiness that can only be felt in the presence of God. A kind of happiness that we, in our mortal state, are currently not even capable of comprehending.
I am happy because I have a Heavenly Father who gave his son Jesus Christ as a sacrifice to take away the sins of the world, because I am loved perfectly by them both, and I have divine potential far beyond my own understanding, that I will be lead to achieve by following their word.
And you want to know what happened?
We grew apart.
As do most high school friends, we had different priorities, we went to different colleges, and we have ultimately lost touch. It does hurt, I won't pretend it doesn't. Most of my high school friends probably think I'm insane for getting married at 20 without moving in with him first and giving it a few years, and they probably think I'm insane for expecting a baby a few months after I'll be turning 21, wondering if I'll have the financial ability to care for a baby, or the maturity to be a mother. But people who don't have their own understanding of how God directs your life if you let Him will never really understand you and how you live your life, but they are not your judge.
I will never forget feeling so out of style when everyone seemed to collectively decide that shorts to the knee or just above were ugly. When at 15 it was now acceptable to wear as close to nothing as possible in the summer and I-- even with my 6 pack abs thanks to gymnastics, made the decision to not conform. To wear a one piece, to wear sleeved shirts and not sign the gyms "petition" to work out in sports bras. I have felt alone because of my decisions sometimes. But I had to remember who's side I was really standing on.
But this is always what gets me.
It was weird that I was so different.
But it was "unfair" that I was so happy.
Do we see the commonality here?
True and ultimate happiness involves sacrifices. Its the price for an infinite smile.
Sometimes you have to give up fitting in to work towards infinite happiness.
Sometimes you have to bare your testimony through a letter that could change someone's life now or later on, and sacrifice your current status to them in order to make that happen.
Sometimes you have to be the only one in your class who walks out of a movie not because you enjoy being the center of attention, but because you know, that they know, whose name is imprinted on your heart and you have a duty to hold to that no matter the circumstances of your day.
Sometimes you have to give up sabbath day competitions because you committed to live the commandments wherein it states that you must keep the sabbath day holy and not for thine own entertainment.
ALWAYS you have to put God first to be truly happy. Because He wants you to be as happy as you can be. So how can I not follow Him, when I know that He leads me there?
So what would I tell the whole word if I had the opportunity?
I am happy because I have a Heavenly Father who gave his son Jesus Christ as a sacrifice to take away the sins of the world, because I am loved perfectly by them both, and I have divine potential far beyond my own understanding, that I will be lead to achieve by following their word.
Love, Kristine