Hey There, I just want you to know that stress means that you care, but giving yourself peace means that you care about yourself regardless of the outcome.
Yeah, it's finals week. I think stress has been on a lot of our minds lately. Everything from finals, buying the right presents, financial worry, health, and so much more, stress seems to be a common theme in my feed lately.
And I feel it too.
I remember one type of stress all to well that is a bit different from the kind I feel now.
As an athlete I was very self motivated and wanted to be the absolute best I could be ever waking moment, and although it may seem insignificant, when being a gymnast is all you do, all you think about and all you want to do is improve, it is wonderful, and it is draining. I was always "stressed" about something, not because of anyone else, but because of my own brain and internal voice saying I needed to get a new skill, or perform one I had higher, or try something new on high beam or whatever. It was like always being hungry. Very different from stress I have encountered in other aspects of my life.
Now, I have faced stress because of decisions or outcomes that will effect my whole life (if someone would have told young Krissy that her stress then wouldn't impact her whole life she would completely object because she is going to talk about her experiences in the gym forever, but I'm just saying that being stressed to do a new skill is not like the stress of praying to make sure your now husband is the right match for you, etc.).
This week I had a end of the semester/holiday party and I actually had a really cool experience there. I am a department representative for the College of Science, so I meet with the Dean of the College of science bi-monthly throughout the semester and work alongside the reps for biology, chemistry, physics, and math, (hi earth science majors we need you), and our senator of the college of science who oversees and selects all of us reps. So this group- along with all those from the other colleges (like college of arts, college of business and so on), were at this party. I was sitting there with my senator while we waited for the other reps to arrive, and he was asking me some questions about myself.
Now, this guy is incredible. He just won a very prestigious research scholarship that basically allows him to conduct any research he wants and he'll be provided the funds and lab to do so. He is also, obviously, a senator for the college of science, which is a big job. He was a TA for two different classes just this semester alone, and has had many other experiences doing that. He has already applied to med school before, but decided to stay a few more years at UVU to accomplish more research and he has definitely done that. He has been club president and in many clubs leadership, and so much more. Basically, I thought he was the perfect student who can do 1 million extra curriculars and take like 20 credits.
So when he casually asked what classes I'd be taking next semester, I answered,
Cell biology
Kinesiology
Organic Chemistry
Organic Chemistry Lab
Psychosocial aspects of human performance
Exercise testing and prescription
"How many credits is that?"
"Oh its just 16." (thinking he was taking at least 18 per semester)
"Just?"
"I've been taking 17 this semester, but I feel like these classes are a lot and I don't want to add another."
He basically went on to say that he has taken 12 credits every semester, and can't believe I am taking so many credits with leadership positions.
Y'all. I am not trying to sound boastful at. all. but I was shocked.
I've spent so much time assuming that everyone is taking so many more than me and doing so much better than me that I forgot to see that I am doing good too.
I have put SO much stress on myself based 100% on what I think others are doing.
That night I learned that he was 33 years old, that he didn't get in to med school the first time, and that he didn't like his MCAT score. I learned that his GPA is not all that different from mine. Basically, I learned that someone I always thought was a million miles ahead of me wished he would have been this ready at 20 years old.
What I am saying is, I stress myself out because I feel like all the other pre-meds are doing so much more than I am. Like they're ahead. And for some, it is absolutely true. But most of the time my assumptions that I compare myself to, are COMPLETELY WRONG.
It's like comparing your worst moments, to someone's Instagram highlight reel.
I don't want to draw this out too long, because I have way too much to be studying, but I just thought I'd share that most of the stress you put on yourself, is based simply on assumptions of how everyone else is doing.
Your stressed that you're not buying enough Christmas presents because someone else has way more under their tree on Instagram, when maybe they went into debt for it or they wrapped empty boxes to make it look fuller--whatever!
Maybe the stress you have about not wanting to study for finals, and the added pressure you feel when it seems like everyone around is sprinting to the finish and you're barely walking--- you may never know how unmotivated those other students feel too.
We just don't know what everyone else is going through.
So we have no right to compare ourselves and add that unnecessary and often totally incorrect stress, that I know we're all guilty of adding to our lives.
So my advice for you today, is to let it go and do your best. Not the best that you think everyone else is doing, but YOUR best, because you know your limits and abilities better than anyone. Give yourself peace.
Love,
Kristine